One-liners at Work

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be..?
Do I look like a damn people person?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with Fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
You!...off my planet!!!
Does you train of thought have a caboose?
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
A woman's favorite position is CEO.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1 ?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Nice perfume, Must you marinate in it?
Chos, panic & disorder- my work here is done.
I plead contemporary insanity.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?