Consumer Labels

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods that can be found today being sold in stores nationwide:

1. On Sears hairdryer:

"Do not use while sleeping."

(But..., that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

2. On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

(And that would be how. . . ?)

3. On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestions: Defrost."

(But it's "just" a suggestion)

4. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):

"Do not turn upside down."

(Oops, too late!)

5. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating."

(Hmm . . . .)

6. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body."

(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

7. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this

medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents

if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those

forklifts.)

8. On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(One would hope)

9. On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(As opposed to underwater?)

10. On a Japanese food processor:

"Not to be used for the other use."

(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

11. On Sainsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: Contains nuts."

(NEWS FLASH)

12. On a child's Superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)

13. On a Swedish chain saw:

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."

(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? . . . Good grief!)

14. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:

"Do not use on food."

(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK, honey, just grab the Palmolive!)